Thursday, January 21, 2010

what am i doing and why i am here

Sometimes I stop for a second and think of the lyrics from Leanna Womack's song "Twenty Years & Two Husbands Ago". She says, "With all the wrong turns that I've made,
I'm right where I should be." SOMETIMES I feel that way. I feel like Josh pointed me down a better path than the one I was taking and that being with him actually made me better....
But other times I wonder what in the world I am doing. My adventurous side comes out and makes me want to be mysterious and unknown, instead of being "Wendy's daughter" walking the cobbled streets of Old San Juan, Puerto Rico with a flowing skirt and wind in my hair without a care in the world and just writing to write instead of to pay the mortgage.
Then I remember that my family doesn't live in PR, I LIKE that people remember who I am (usually) and that Millie's knows that the voice saying "I'd like a cheeseburger without, a regular fry, and a HUGE lemonade" is mine. I also could never afford to just write for fun and how would I pay bills, rent, or whatever without a job? I also know Joshua would not like Puerto Rican life too much, not to mention he doesn't QUITE speak the language.
So instead I focus on the positive things. I am so blessed to have a job, especially one in my field (even though it's a field I kind of want to get out of). I love Macclesfield and being from a place where people hold the door, greet you by name, and treat you with respect (most of the time). And while Macclesfield doesn't have cobblestone streets, it has plenty of endless fields and grass for my dog, Josh and I to play in and Puerto Rico doesn't have a Millie's.

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