Want to see the worst of your church ladies or your grandma's friends? Simply be pregnant around them. You'll learn all about the things you're doing wrong as an expecting mother, how big you are, and advice for raising a child that will blow your mind.
Don't get me wrong, I adore my church ladies. They make me laugh every Wednesday night at choir practice and every Sunday morning, but their ability to insult you with a compliment is at its peak when you have a human growing inside of you, and they know no boundaries when it comes to saying what they think.
Here are a few of my favorite things I've heard this pregnancy and the things I wish I could say back to these ladies... but I don't. I just smile and bear it.
This was actually said to me at my baby shower, which was in September when I was only 30 weeks pregnant. I kindly told the lady "No, he really needs to grow just a bit more before he can come out!" What I really wanted to say was, "Yes, I'd like to end my misery by selfishly choosing to birth my child prematurely, also thanks for noticing how 'miserable' I look."
I hear this one A LOT. Do people not realize how insulting it sounds to say that someone is big, even if there is a baby in there? I usually respond with a nice laugh and a "pretty sure there's just one". I would really like to say, "I am pretty sure there is just one, but man you're even bigger than me, have you got triplets?!"
This one kind of surprised me. I've seen pictures of pregnant women back in Mema's day, they weren't super small, but they also wore those giant mu-mu style smocked dresses and such so their shapes were kind of hard to distinguish. I always want to reply to this one with "They also told pregnant women there was nothing wrong with drinking and smoking 'back in your day'."
I got to hear this one Sunday at our church's homecoming. Seriously. Would you ask a non-pregnant woman to turn around so you could see the side-view of how big her boobs are or a back view to see how wide her butt has gotten? I smiled and turned to the side and received an array of "oh my goodness" comments and "wow you're just one giant blob of belly" but what I wanted to say and what I really should have said was "NO." just "no".
I will admit, this surprised me. I didn't get this question as often with Sawyer, but I guess now with two it is a lot more confusing to people that I am going to go back to work after having Brody. I have absolutely nothing against stay-at-home-moms, but it just isn't a possibility for Josh and me. We couldn't afford our bills without both of our incomes, and daycare isn't that expensive here so it's not like we're paying over $800/month for childcare so missing a paycheck versus paying for childcare would not balance out. I usually just laugh and say "someone's got to pay the bills!" but I want to say "Yes. Unless you'd like to pay our mortgage, hospital bills, utilities, and student loans, so I can stay home with my children?".
As the end to this pregnancy draws closer (I'm full-term this week!), all I can think about is while I am super-duper looking forward to meeting the newest member of our family, I am also super-duper looking forward to having less attention on me.. and my size.