Friday, May 21, 2010

awkward and mistaken "I love you"s

Fast forward to February.
The scene:
Cloudy Saturday, Joshua and I sitting on creamy-colored couch in his apartment watching "8 Mile"

The clothes:
Me - Sweatpants, Oakland Athletics T-shirt, Josh's socks (his apartment was always freezing and I never wore socks) and my hair in a messy, messy bun.
Josh - Basketball shorts, a cut-off t-shirt and of course white socks with his Nike sandals

As Joshua and I watched "8 Mile" I joked on him about being able to rap most of the raps and how he used to look like Slim Shady in his early high school years (he had almost white hair).
Josh, sick of being teased, jokingly said "man, I hate you."
I laughed and pretended to leave.
Josh yells out "I'm just messing, you know I love you."

**Awkward silence**

Josh stammers and mumbles "uh, well you know what I mean, now shut up I'm missing the rap between Rabbit & Lotto"

The moment passes.

The Monday after, rainy day in February, I am driving home from school and my phone is ringing.

Me: Hello
J: Crap, why did you answer? You are supposed to be at soccer practice!
Me: Uh.. sorry it's raining, it got canceled. You want me to hang up?
J: Yeah, hang up I am going to call back, don't answer. I am going to leave a message.

So I hang up.
And he calls back.
I let it ring and the whole time I worry that he is breaking up with me over a voice mail, why else would he be too scared to just say it to me while he had me on the phone!?
I am going through all the dates and meet the parents moments to see where I messed up and how I could have been stupid enough to think I was lucky enough to think i was actually going to live happily ever after with a guy who was not only taller than me and handsome, but had a great family and liked me.

So, my phone beeps to let me know I have a message.
I am sweating bullets.
On the voice mail Josh says, "Lauren, I know we've only been dating a little while and I am not usually one to throw around the L word, but I love you. I feel more strongly about you than I have any other person. The other day when we were watching the movie, it kind of jumped out of my mouth, but I meant it... uh that's it. Call me back."

"He loves me" I said to myself.
I immediately dialed his number and told him the exact same things.

But despite our love, we had our share of arguments....

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