Today... I got stuck in a dress.
I don't mean like "oh haha, this dress is so tight these buttons are a little tricky to un-button" stuck - I mean in a full panic, trapped inside a cotton-poplin prison, worried I was going to have to call the fire department or something - stuck.
You see, I really, really wanted to wear my favorite white J.Crew dress with my pink & white plaid Liz Claiborne jacket because the weather was perfect for it (you see, it needs to be not a BILLION degrees to wear the jacket, but you can't wear it during the fall or too late in the summer because the colors are so bright and Easter-y) but my post-pregnancy boobs are just a little (read - a LOT) too big for it. However, I was determined to wear it.
So I tried it on and attempted several (unsuccessful) times to zip it all the way up, but that stupid little zipper kept stopping the second it got to the bust. Finally I gave up and tried to take it off, here was where the fun began.
I could NOT get that zipper to un-zip. I swear it was mocking me for yanking on it so many times. So I tried to take the dress off without un-zipping it - BIG mistake. I tried to take it over my head (because there's no way it was fitting over my hips still zipped) and I could not get it over my stupid boobs. I tried everything, letting all the air out of my lungs, sagging my shoulders, doing one arm (and boob) at a time but nothing worked.
Once I finally got it worked over one side, I tried to snatch the other side up real quick resulting in my hair getting stuck in the zipper.
So then I faced a giant dilemma. Remember, Joshua and Sawyer have already left - so I am home alone with a white dress hanging around my neck on one side and under my arm pit on the other with a giant knot forming where my hair meets the zipper. So what do I do? Call my mama and see if she can drive to my house and free me from the dress? Do I sit here and struggle like a maniac with one arm?
I had one more idea - maybe if I took off my strapless bra that would take away some of the circumference of my bust. I clumsily removed it with one hand (I felt like a middle school-aged boy fumbling with a girl's bra) and ta-da I got the dress over my chest but now I am wearing it like a big white necklace because my hair is still trapped in the zipper. I grab the scissors. At this point, I don't care if I have to cut my hair off - I want OUT of this thing.
Luckily, just a few snips of a few strands of hair and I am free, free at last.
What a way to start a Friday.
FYI - I put the dress back on without the bra - and it fit! So we reconciled and I am wearing it to work :)